Hi, I’m Billy Badass. . .

. . .the 16 year old who got permission to leave my house.

I work at a local ice rink and over the course of a weekend I will come across many kids. They vary in age, size, and primarily attitude. The attitude that truly sticks out in my head is what I like to call “Billy Badass” syndrome.

There are three cases of this syndrome and they are as follows:

Type A: The mama’s boy.
This kid can be found getting out of his mom’s van, who was kind enough to pull up to the door so her “sweet little child” doesn’t have to walk to far. You can spot this case by looking for the kid who once at the door turns, waves and enters the building. Once he passes the threshold, he looks for his group of cronies and walks cautiously over to them as if someone were watching.

Type B: The cool kid.
This form of Billy Badass Syndrome is slightly different than the mama’s boy. This kid asks his mom to park around the corner so that he can walk alone to the door. He is just too damn cool to be seen with his mom. You can spot him from a distance, his pants will be to his knees, hat backwards and walking as if someone just kicked him in the shin. Once inside he will find his friends, make a scene and appear to be the center of the group.

Type C: The closet badass.
This final case of Billy Syndrome will have to qualify as my favorite. This is the kid who is one pace behind “the cool kid” while walking into the building and to his friends. He can be easily spotted as he seems the most awkward in his appearance due to the fact that he is only wearing half of his own clothes. He appears to be questioning how the cool kid’s shirt and hat look on him, and whether or not he should cock the bill more or leave it facing straight back. The final, major characteristic of the closet badass is that he has a few manners. Occasionally slipping up and dropping a “sir” or “thank you” followed by a wince and a shift as to appear as if nothing happened.

All three of these cases carry similar characteristics though. They all seem to think that throwing down Mom’s 20 on the counter, not making eye contact, and hanging on their “girl” make them appear to be “hard” or in this case “badass”. They fail to realize that most people are looking at them and putting them into one of these three categories. I’m sorry to tell you my little dimwitted friends that your tricks do not make you an intimidating person or a badass. Instead they make you appear to be a clown and more-so prove that you are indeed a stupid-ass.

 

~ by David on March 28, 2008.